So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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