You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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