I think I won the penis lottery.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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