all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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