Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
