i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
