me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
