Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just had sex on a roof
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
