Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006

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(949): View more from California

i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?

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(303): View more from Colorado

She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

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(540): View more from Virginia

we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!

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(805): View more from California

Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard

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(587): View more from Alberta

My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.

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