And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
