he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
