He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
