Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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