FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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