1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How external is "for external use only"?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
