Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
