at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
