Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
