Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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