I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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