That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
