Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
