just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this just has baby written all over it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
