I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize