I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
