Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize