Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
