Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
