Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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