Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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