I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
