so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
