So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
