I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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