We're facebook friends in real life
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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