I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize