i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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