I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
