Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
kristin has been a bad kristin
i think my mom watched the whole time
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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