I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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