I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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