Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
