There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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