So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
