Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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