M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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