You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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