did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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