Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
did i just pee glitter
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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