Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
