Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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