You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda