btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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