Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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