just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
