Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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