it was like his penis was on wheels.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
should my penis look like a turkey
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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