Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
