Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
