We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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