i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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