Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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