Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
