she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
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One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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