If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
