I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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