Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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