Im at strip club and am horny
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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