You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
