I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize