I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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