omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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