mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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