I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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