it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
