Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
